#however it was Jimmy who started it all he freaked out first

[dykedvonte]

Of all the themes in Mouthwashing, I think the themes of punishment and virtue are the most subtle.

It’s so odd because it’s a subversion where all the characters are punished for their virtues more than their flaws except Jimmy. Curly sees the best and people and tries to do right by all parties whether deserving or not. He is then forced to see everyone fall to their worst states while he can’t do anything. Daisuke is optimistic and hopeful, playful to a fault and a big morale. He dies in agony the one time he is forced to act in a serious event. Anya is kind and capable, knowledgeable in her field. Yet, she is treated like a dunce and does being treated like a dead weight.

The only characters who aren’t punished per se are those without direct virtues. Swansea is ornery and rude the moment we meet him, Jimmy is self explanatory. Yet, Swansea is still punished with Daisuke’s death, while Jimmy escapes in a way. Not having to face the final aftermath or even acknowledging how he could never really fix it. He suffers and is tormented, but he doesn’t really care because in his mind he didn’t fail in his head of proving something to Curly.

This is rambling y really but it really is the theme of no good deed but to the extreme. Good people punished for their attempts at virtue while the bad person victimizes themself over their suffering.

[m0remor1]

Who’s Birthday Are It???

Logan Howlett x FtM!Reader

NOTES: FINALLY i’m posting my first oneshot! i’m crazy new to this but i really wanted to post something Wolverine related considering i never shut up about him…,.,,… hope yall enjoy!!

WC: 1,668 words

TAGS: hurt/comfort, Comic!Logan (I def used some of his Origins’ backstory though el oh el), established “friendship”, ALMOST make-out scene, no smut, reader is basically the same height as Logan, really slight description of violence, a little unserious and silly

October 12th.

It used to be a somewhat fun occasion back when Logan was still Jimmy the sickly little Victorian boy. His family was well off enough to afford him gifts and heaps of food that he could barely stomach while showering him in attention he wasn’t all that present for. Could’ve been out of pity or something, but there’s no way of him knowing that now.

The earliest memory of his birthday that stuck after taking three rounds of adamantium between the eyes was Sabretooth hunting him down. The biting cold of bum-fuck nowhere, Canada, the actual biting and tearing of flesh, the hours of endless beatdowns that left Logan in a heap while his torn flesh weaved together layer by layer.

What’s even worse is that the rat bastard made this a tradition.

And considering Logan’s as old as dirt, there’s only so many birthday punchies he can endure from a bloodthirsty maniac before he starts to loathe it. He does his best to block the day out of his mind, ducking the other X-Men to avoid any pointless—and frankly annoying—birthday wishes from them. It’s almost impressive how absent he manages to be on his own birthday.

Cut to what feels like his billionth ‘special day’—he’s shacked up in a seedy dive bar nursing what’s now half a bottle of Jack’s while awaiting his inevitable crashout with his feline freak of a nemesis. His leg is bouncing off the stool, his hand is clenched hard around the glass he’s refilled countless times, and his muscles are tensed in preparation.

You, however, didn’t seem to get the memo.

Well—you did. You’re just politely ignoring it. A completely inconspicuous excess of cash magically found its way to your pockets after a couple battles with anti-mutant thugs, and you’d been hanging off Logan’s shoulder long enough to take note of his favorite brands.

And thank fuck you garnered as much money as you did, because the man’s tastes were almost disgustingly expensive.

And now, here you were with a small box held behind your back while you finally found the bar Logan was brooding in. Took a good couple hours to track em’ down, but a win is a win regardless.

“…You know I ain’t celebratin’. Get lost, bub.” Logan pipes up the moment he catches your scent sneaking closer, a scowl pinning itself to the burned in plasma screen bolted to a high point on the bar.

“Oh come on—you’re not even takin’ gifts? I had to study for this, man.” You huffed in complaint, hovering over the stool next to him.

And before Logan can press you to leave, the box you held behind your back slides into view and thuds softly against the wood counter. It earns a side eye from the older man, a glimpse of shock chipping away at his stoned mask just a teenie bit at the sight of the box’s logo.

“Bribin’ me with a couple smokes ain’t gettin’ you anywh—“ The minute Logan unlatches the box and opens it, he’s met with the sight of a FULL box. Stacked to the brim with tightly wrapped cigars that held the brand’s shiny sticker. He gives you a fully stunned look, almost slack jawed as he quickly shut it and cursed under his breath.

“…I’d make a real shit cop.” He mutters as he taps the worn leather of the seat cushion beside him in a silent demand to take a seat.

And you’re SAT. It’s almost comical how fast you scurry into the seat. You’re lucky it’s bolted to the floor, or else you would have conked your head on the grimy hardwood real hard. There’s a beat of silence as Logan takes a cigar from the top of the box and almost glares at it in an attempt to spot something wrong. But he finds nothing. Shit—they don’t even smell off. He extends a claw halfway to snip off the ends, reaching into his pocket for a lighter.

FINALLY you get to show off again.

You bring a hand to stop him, fishing through your own pocket to fish out the second half of your gift.

“Hollon—“ You whip out a silver zippo lighter. “Ta-da!”

…

“How empty is your wallet right now?” Logan questions, taking the lighter from you and scanning each detail of the silver embossments on it.

“…I think a moth or three is in it right now.” You jest, watching as he drags a finger over the detailing.

There’s a traditional Japanese-style dragon curled on the front, the silver metal darkened in the crevices to look grungy. The rest of it is black, save for the engraving on the side. The letters of his name are straight and jagged, each shiny silver line meant to look like a claw had scratched it in. He’s almost mad at how much he likes it, because it means he has to admit that one—he really is an art nerd, and two—he’s getting soft. His stomach twists a little, but not in the ‘there’s perilous danger incoming and everyone’s gonna die’ way. More in the ‘this stupid kissboy’s worming his way further into his good graces’ kinda way. And he doesn’t know what to do with it.

“This is dumb, y’know. Ain’t a reason for a lighter t’be this extra.” He grumbles as he gives it another shift between his fingers.

“I mean—f’you don’t like it I can jus’—“ You reach for it, but Logan snatches it away before you can even graze it. “Aht—Back off. Yer gonna have t’pry this from my cold dead hands in 200 years.”

He hunches over the lighter slightly, clinking it open and striking the little wheel a couple times before it came to life while you stifle a giggle. The cigar eventually starts to glow a faint red at the tip, and Logan drags in a hefty breath that he holds. It takes a moment before the smoke billows from his lips, and something in you lurches with glee at the sight of said smoke framing his bearded face. His blue eyes dart to you, watching with a raised brow as you pretend to look anywhere else but him. And poor soul—instead of catching on to what were probably some FREAK nasty thoughts—he thinks you want to bum a puff of his cigar. His hand tilts to offer it over, but you shake your head.

“M’good. I’d probably cough up a lung or two.” You don’t wanna admit you hate smoking in general.

Because if we’re being honest, it’s kind of a lie. Sure—if you walked past strangers you’d cough like you had pneumonia to make em feel a little guilty. But with a scent that didn’t make you want to dry heave and a lethally handsome face behind it, you could only bring yourself to pretend that the cigars were too strong for you.

But this… this old man has to go and insist.

“…Could always shotgun it.” It’s aggravating how fast you wanted to blurt out an okay. “Wouldn’t mind sharin’ my gift a lil.”

This little bastard knows what he’s doing. He HAS to, considering there’s a ghost of a smirk on his face at the sight of your shock. You clear your throat behind a clenched hand, trying to play nonchalant and failing horribly.

“I mean—yeah, sure. Whatever, I guess...” You can’t even look at him properly it’s that embarrassing.

Your face runs hot when you lean a little closer, eyes squeezed shut as if you’re ready to get punched or something.

“Good god—relax, bub. Y’look like I’m handin’ you a pipe bomb.” Logan leans in too, but his free hand grabs at your collar and pulls you even closer.

Words are failing you fast, leaving whatever retort you could come up with in the dust before you even thought about the first word. Your eyes peek open, watching his chest puff as he took another drag off the cigar and held it. He lets the smoke die out a little before dragging a calloused hand up the front of your jacket and to the junction between your neck and shoulder.

His large palm presses against the side of your neck, the pad of his thumb swiping across your plush bottom lip and earning a breathy sigh from you. When his hand moves to your jaw to keep your head still, you shiver at the slightly rough drag of his worn fingertips against your skin. Your stomach is doing gymnastics and the both of you can probably hear the drumming of your heart against your ribs. Your hands find purchase on his thighs to keep you upright while you’re leaned forward, and you thank whoever’s up there for giving you an excuse to do so. You part your lips as he gets in your face, blowing the sheered out smoke into your mouth and maintaining crazy amounts of eye contact while you inhale it.

Hands clench at his muscled thighs in a bid to keep you grounded, but it’s mostly just because you’re trying to resist closing the non-existent gap between you two. However, before you can even think of kissing him, your lungs start to burn and you turn away to cough and sputter as transparent smoke puffs out of your mouth.

“Y’ain’t supposed ta breathe it in like a shitty cigarette. Yer supposed to taste it.” Logan can’t help a snicker as he pats your back while you hack up the smoke in your lungs.

“Gee… thanks, you little—“ Whatever expletive you had for him gets lost in another coughing fit, complete with a little wheeze that finally seemed to help clear you up.

You glare over at the other man next to you, but your anger feels unfounded when you catch him almost full on grinning. Sure—it was kind of at your expense—but you got him to smile. On what’s usually the worst day of his year, no less.

…Man—you’re really great at this whole birthday thing.

[nerdpearls]

hey!! so i've been cooking up an au with my dearest friend and my twin, and i think it's time i do a bit of an info dump if anyone cares

in short, this is a life series + object show au!! we've decided it's going to be a double life au

info dump below!!

there's actually three of us working on this au, but unfortunately, i'm the only one who possesses a tumblr acc. for future reference, we are:

silly vanilly: the object show nerd of the group!! she'll be writing from the object's perspective.

clodu [me!]: the life series freak! i'll be writing from the perspective of the life series members

malt: the in-between! she knows a bit about both, and therefore will be writing from both povs

now for the actual info dump. while we don't quite have a plot figured out, we do have all the pairings + plus some intro writing!! malt and i have also done some doodling for the fun of it

[note that for this au, four people/objects are linked. for example, scar, grian, x and four are all linked together [well, there is one exception]]

official pairings:

scar & grian + x & 4

bigb & ren + ! & 8

etho & joel + 0 & 9

pearl & scott + 1 & 5

tango & jimmy + 6 & 7

martyn & cleo + 10 & 15

bdubs & impulse + 14 & 24

mumbo & gem + 2 & 3

skizz & lizzie + clock & 24 (yeah again)

some chaos, we know. i'll pause right here for a doodle break and then i'll give you a small excerpt from each of us

doodles by me :]

art by malt!

okay okay!! now for a bit of writing. starting with silly vanilly!

X’s eyes flutter open, his vision slightly blurry from who knows what. He proceeds to sit up, relieved to see his friends. However, it wasn't just four and two, it was everyone. That never happens, especially on some random day. He looked around a bit, half startled to see everything twice his size. Nobody else seemed to notice though, they were too busy arguing with each other, blaming on whose fault it was that they ended up here. Of course, everyone was looking at one, she had been traumatizing Two, so why not all of them? X decided he didn't exactly want to join in on another argument, and he didn't really care, so he decided to wander off away from the crowd. Mindlessly strolling across the new terrain, he stops at a shadow. Thinking it's some shade from a tree, he looks up, only to find a very large ‘thing’ towering over him.

-- oo, fun. malt excerpt next!

“No, It’s ok Four. The Human thing is nice!” X stretched his arm over to the human. “Pat. Pat.” He said as he patted the human’s head. Grian looked at them both dumbfounded. So, the blue one’s name was Four, and the yellow one’s name was X. The strange part was that even though the beings seemed to be from another universe entirely, he could understand them. X was extremely cute, and Four seemed like pure chaos. Grian instantly found a liking to them.

-- meeting the freaks! last excerpt time, by yours truly

“It’s okay Four!! I think it’s nice!!” This time, Grian couldn’t stifle his laughter. For some reason, X’s voice cracked him up. He could practically hear the innocence in it’s voice, and it reminded him of Scar. Speaking of Scar, he was still unconscious, lying in the circle of their friends. The only other person awake was Scott, who was regarding a creature that resembled the number five with a bemused expression.

-- wowzers.. that's it for the time being!! i'll probably post about this au every month or so, and once our first chapter is completed we will probably be putting this up on au. hope you enjoy!!

[crumbazaar]

Mouthwashing Plans! (con't)

Swansea: Swansea is very reticent to open the cargo hold, as he knows every infraction will cut into his pay. However, when they fine the mouthwash, he decides to fall back into his past alcoholism and spends all his time drinking. Shortly after the crash he discovers that there is one working cryo-chamber. However with five of them, he knows it will cause an argument that could turn ugly. He decides to just spend his time guarding Utility, under the guise that it's filled with foam and if anyone else attempts to cut through it will break the airtight seals and kill everyone on board.

He trusts Daisuke enough to have him deal with rationing the food, not Jimmy (or even himself, as he's constantly drunk). He doesn't seem to trust Jimmy with much of anything. He reluctantly gives him the axe to reach the extra meds in the locker by medical, but afterwards he keeps tight hold of it and Jimmy says he even sleeps by Utility so no one can get in. It's very possible Anya asked him to not let Jimmy keep the weapon, which is part of why Swansea makes sure to hold on to it.

I believe Swansea doesn't have much faith in being found. He knows their cargo isn't very important, and the company doesn't care about them as they've been fired. He might also just realize that based on the amount of time it would be hard to even have a ship find them before they perish. He instead tries to have a good time by drinking while making sure the crew doesn't kill each other over the cryopod.

Three months in, Jimmy catches Swansea and Anya talking, and it seems like they've both confided in each other. Anya about her pregnancy and Swansea about the pod or at least his expectations of being found. Perhaps he promises to let her use the pod to save two lives (if it works that way), if they agree to hide its existence together, or maybe they agree to save Daisuke.

Swansea seems to have given up on being rescued, and is focused on making the end of their lives as safe and comfortable as possible WHILE getting as drunk as he can. There is a possibility that if they fully ran out of food, he'd let someone know about the pod to have a better chance of escaping. The most likely options being either Daisuke whom he believes got screwed by being added to the Tulpar crew, or Anya who is pregnant and a woman. He doesn't have any delusions about Jimmy accepting either of those options and such doesn't present him any of them.

When their crewmates die, Swansea tells Jimmy to use the tank, but then decides to kill him instead. He either figures out that because of Anya's pregnancy, it's Jimmy's fault OR, just wants revenge for getting Daisuke killed. The sequence mostly references the death of Daisuke, but since it's from Jimmy's perspective Anya doesn't factor into the situation.

HOWEVER I've replayed the second half of the game and I'm starting to wonder if Swansea attacked Jimmy at all. The first sequence in the game of their conflict, we see Jimmy freaking out in the cockpit with Swansea trying to break in. He grabs the pipe to seal the door and ties it to the lock so no one can get in. He has an unknown item that makes his hand shake that we can assume is the gun. In a later sequence, after Swansea says he can get in the pod, he gets attacked in medical after getting the gun. Then you have the dream sequence fight in Jimmy's delusion of a graveyard with Swansea sneaking up on him to axe him to death. Swansea gives his final speech to Jimmy, which I read as being genuine (although maybe it's just Jimmy's way of rationalizing killing him) tied to a chair in Utility with the same rope from the cockpit and he is shot in the head twice.

[kennymcchronicle]

14, 15, 16, and 29 please!

I know it's a lot to ask, but if you could do it for Lotta and her brother that would he awesome! I'm greedy for content! ☆☆☆

IT'S OKAY I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY OCS!!!! THANK U SO MUCH FOR THE ASK!!!!!!

14) What are their biggest flaws?

Regarding Lotta, I have answered something similar like this and Number 15 before in another ask game, but basically, Lotta definitely has a few social struggles; Her desire to keep up a mature and rational front naturally separates her a bit from most of her peers at school, and this only gets worse when factoring in how Lotta's attempted logic-first approach to most situations tends to not be helpful in cases where she'd need to be more empathetic or emotional. This is not quite as bad when it's an emotional situation involving a friend or someone she already cares about, but for patients, other students, and adults her "you will have to hear this whether you like it or not" attitude can be less than appropriate. This also makes her kind of bad at handling her own emotions too, she would rather bury those deep under the doctor facade and ignore them entirely, or "deal" with them behind closed doors. By which i mean she tries the - to her - most logical approach, which can and does often fail.

Andy? Wow, well, our boy has a lot of issues. Commitment issues, to start with. Economically and inter-personally. You could easily mistake him for some promiscuous asshole if you didn't know him better. He feels like he can't stay in relationships for too long, turning into him feeling like he can't have any sort of relationship at all. However with this, like with many of his other issues, Andy is completely in denial about it half of the time. He's like what? Come on, it isn't so bad, I'm actually enjoying myself, until he realizes he isn't and then breaks down. He's also prone to rash decisions and can be easily provoked given you know how to push his buttons.

15) What are their biggest strengths?

See above for Lotta, but obviously, it's her medical expertise. If you take everything into consideration, she is an honest to god genius regarding her field. She's crafty too, since someone her age would never be provided with the most accurate of all medical instruments she has to make do, and she does! And also see above, but when she does care about someone, she can give some of the best perspectives and advice due to said logical nature that can often times fail her in this same regard, ironically.

I'd even say Andy is kind of similar in that sense. He doesn't have that lowkey kind of bitter regard for others like Lotta can have, but if he cares about someone he's willing to go to the extremes. Yes, he will help you hide a body. He will drive you across the country no questions asked. He will drunkenly beat up your classmates if he thinks they followed you home to bully you. Ahem. Andy, if he puts his mind to it for once and locks in, can also put projects on their legs with ease. The whole move to America was set in motion by him, and he managed to organize everything perfectly, which if you saw him in his usual state seems impossible! His discography also honestly isn't that bad when he bothers to make beats, and doesn't half-ass them.

16) When it comes to partners/love interests, what is it they look for?

Lotta continuously falls for people with strong moral compasses, particularly the same people who seem to be willing to put actions behind their words as well. Kyle, Jimmy, Wendy and Mysterion all fall under this category. I don't think it's a must for her, to start a relationship, but those are the traits she finds attractive. Trust and Reliability are also very important to her!

Lol... Andy doesn't look for anything to be honest. Anyone is good enough so long as they're down. See above for his commitment issues, anything that seems more serious than a hookup freaks him out and he cuts contact. I suppose this means where a sort of opposite logic can apply, and he could potentially fall in love with people who openly show that they don't give a shit about him, because it gives him security over not disappointing them (because they already think poorly of him)? Who knows!

29) What's a secret about your OC that no one knows about? Something you couldn't quite fit into your story or character sheet.

It used to be her condition. You know, whenever she laughs she bleeds from her nose, if she laughed harder she would even sometimes cough it up. She doesn't like flaunting it around and usually tries her best to keep in check how hard she has to laugh. This is something easily revealed though. Something her peers at South Park really know nothing about is her upbringing in Germany. Where she lived, what school was like, who her friends were. Her extended family in particular is something she wastes no breath over. Nobody ever really asks, and Lotta doesn't talk about it as she thinks nobody really cares anyway and it's kind of boring to begin with. But everything weird or crazy that may or may not have happened over there that she wants to keep to herself is safe with her this way as well.

Andy used to have a best friend named Felix in Elementary School whom Andy thought he was really close with, making it all the more crushing when he realized that as they got older that they were drifting apart. Trying to convince Felix and his new friend group to let him stay around, they eventually settle on having Andy join if he can get them drugs and since Andy was already trying out a lot at this time it seemed like a no-brainer to him and he complied. It took him some time to realize they all thought he was annoying. Him and Felix kissed when they were both high, after which Felix never talked to him again. Andy hasn't told a soul about this, but he thinks about it a lot. He also dreams about him, and cries whenever wakes up. Nevertheless he is completely in denial about being into men romantically, and when called out will claim that he just likes messing around (as he claims often).

[panfluidme]

Too Late

Jimmy moved into his uncle's place pretty young, just before middle school. His parents were just fine, but they were well known and people in his hometown could tell that he was their kid. With their few assassin attempts, they decided to send their twin children somewhere safe.

However, Jimmy's twin had jumped a few grades. They had on both their school records put their last name as "Z", just "Z". Jimmy honestly didn't mind all that much, he liked the sound of Jimmy Z anyway. It sounded cool and just rolled off his tongue. 

But the first day of school in a brand new town was still scary. Especially since his twin sister managed to skip two years and was now starting high school. So he didn't have anyone to go into school with. Which meant his was all alone in a school he's never stepped foot in. 

He gripped onto his backpack's straps as he stared at it. He wasn't really in anyone's way, but Jimmy felt like he was glued to the pavement. He couldn't get his feet to move. His heart was pounding in his ear, he was so nervous. 

Jimmy nearly jumped out of his boots when someone touched his shoulder. He turned his head to see a taller blond teen and a shorter brunet teen. The blond smiled warmly.

"First day of school?" he asked, his voice gentle.

The redhead nodded. "Y-yeah."

"That's okay. It's Chris' first day of school too. I'm Martin, by the way."

"I'm Jimmy." Jimmy gave them a shaky smile. He looked at Chris, who waved. "You Chris?"

"Yep."

Jimmy could remember the time he realized his feelings for Chris. They had been hanging out in the treehouse in the Kratt's backyard, Chris rambling on about his favorite bird at the time. Honestly, Jimmy couldn't tell you what the name of the bird was for the life of him. He was too focused on just the sound of Chris' voice.

Chris had been called down to help set the table for dinner, and Jimmy watched him go down the ladder. Jimmy smiled to himself and checked his phone, his heart racing like it always did when Chris was around. A loneliness built up inside of him, a confusing one since Chris just barely left.

Suddenly, a realization hit him like a bag of bricks. The high schooler had fallen in love. Not with just anyone, but his best friend. Chris fucking Kratt. The best nonfamily person Jimmy ever knew, maybe even just the best person he knew in general. 

How didn't he know this sooner? It was so obvious now that he knew. The way he longed for Chris to be around him. The way he missed Chris, even after he just saw him. The way he wanted to hold Chris close, keep him safe from everything bad in this world.

Jimmy set his phone down, his cheeks going dark red. He didn't know what to think, what to say. He just knew he would never be able to be around Chris again without making it a little awkward for both of them.

The redhead was so excited that Chris and Martin had chosen him to be their pilot. Aviva taught him how to use the teleporter, so he became the person who operated it the most. He was a good cook, so he cooked the most. The others cooked, but Jimmy didn't mind being their main cook. Everyone enjoyed what he had to offer.

It was so exciting to be living with Chris, but Jimmy managed to make it a small deal. Best friends lived together all the time. There was no need to freak out over it. It was normal and he could handle it just fine. They weren't sharing a room.

Jimmy didn't know what he'd do if they were sharing a room. His heart would explode, and he would never be able to look Chris in the eye ever again. Their rooms were on opposite sides of the Tortuga, the flying turtle ship they all called home.

His favorite thing, however, was seeing how excited Chris got whenever he got to use his Creature Power Suit. Jimmy didn't know how he didn't just melt there and then every time he saw it, or how he didn't turn red and grin like the idiot he was.

Sometimes, he wished he could go out and join them. But Jimmy was too big of a coward to have any fun. And he'd just get in the way. So, he was fine with watching the brothers Kratt having fun out in nature while he sent them anything they could need. 

The second worst day of Jimmy's life was watching Chris up at the alter, getting to a woman who wasn't him. He wasn't mad at Chris, Chris didn't know how he felt, but he was mad at himself. He had been working up the courage to tell him how he's felt for the last eight years, but then he met Vanessa. 

And no matter what he wished, Jimmy would never be Venessa. He would never be the pretty raven haired, brown eyed girl she was. Even as a gay man, he could admit she was stunning.

That was another thing. Jimmy had never come out, mostly because he just forgot to. At this point, he had thought he told the crew, but hadn't actually. Not that it really mattered, his heart belonged to a man that would never return his feelings.

Small tears welled up in his eyes, but tears were in everyone's eyes. Which was good for him since no one would suspect a thing about how he felt. Unlike everyone else's, Jimmy's was of sadness and regret. He was watching the love of his life get married to someone else.

The worst day of Jimmy's life, however, was yesterday. It had been fairly normal, Chris and Martin were on a creature adventure while Vanessa fussed over her art work of the week. Overall, Jimmy and Vanessa ignored each other. Something that upset Chris.

Jimmy suspected that Vanessa had picked up to his feelings, which had died down a little after their marriage. She didn't stop him from having a relationship with Chris, but she didn't like him. To avoid drama, the two just avoided each other and only spoke when necessary. 

And Jimmy was fine with that. He wasn't her biggest fan, but that was only for selfish reasons. She fit well into the crew and made Chris happy, he couldn't really hate for her other than he had been too much of a coward to tell her husband how he felt, and she had gotten him. He didn't hold it against her, even though it was hard, and he didn't hold it against Chris.

"I've got you," Martin's voice came from the screen, causing everyone to look over. Martin was holding onto Chris, who was dangling over a cliff. He just barely started to pull him up when his glove slipped off, and Chris fell.

Jimmy could only watch in horror as Martin sat on the edge, too shocked to do anything more than just stare over the edge. Everyone half expected Martin to jump after him, but he just sat back and sobbed, throwing his head back.

The redhead barely registered anything other than his heart racing in fear. His breathing was quickening as panic settled over him. He's never felt this way before, he didn't know the feeling this was. It wasn't the normal panic attack he was used to, no this was so much worse. 

An invisible pain washed over him as he sank to his knees. He knew there was no way that Chris survived, everyone knew it. Jimmy hated it.

He leaned forward and let out a broken scream. Everyone ignored him, Koki focusing on Venessa and Aviva trying to help calm Martin down from far way. Fat and salty tears ran down his cheeks. It felt like a part of him had just died.

Jimmy knew for sure there was no way now that they'd be together. There had always been a small hope that it could happen. It was too late...

[blackaleycatt]

Ordinary Things: Chapter 1

AO3 link: Here

5 times Aviva and Koki were clearly a couple + 1 time the guys realize.

Title named after Ariana Grande's song "ordinary things".

1

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Each member of the Wild Kratts crew has their own room in the Tortuga. Usually, they slept in their hammock in the Tortuga’s main room but on the weekends they liked to have little hangouts in each other's rooms. It was a way for them to bond outside of work.

They would watch movies, play board games, play some of Jimmy’s video games, listen to music, and Aviva liked to do everyone's makeup sometimes. Martin, in particular, enjoyed having his makeup done by Aviva, who was practically a pro at it.

Tonight they were in Aviva's room for a mini spa day. The weekend was coming to an end so Aviva suggested doing a “Sunday refresh” to prepare for the start of the weekday. Aviva prepared customized face masks for each of them, taking into account their skin types including retinol for Jimmy’s greasy pizza face and high SPF for Chris and Martin, who spend a lot of time in the African savannah creature adventuring. Koki had her own supply of face masks too, as she and Aviva had been doing spa days with each other since college.

As they relaxed in Aviva's room, the soothing aroma of face masks and incense filled the air, and the gentle hum of "NewJeans" played in the background. They chatted and laughed, enjoying each other's company, and the warmth of their friendship. It was moments like these that made their adventures all the more special. The boys absolutely loved having a spa day and were sad when it came to an end. They were already planning the next spa day as they were leaving Aviva’s room. It was getting pretty late and they had to get up in a few hours. Koki stayed behind, which wasn't surprising since Koki and Aviva spent a lot of time together in each other's rooms, even more than the guys.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

The next morning the crew woke up feeling rejuvenated and relaxed. Martin couldn't help but comment on how amazing the spa treatment was, "That spa day was incredible. My skin feels so rejuvenated and fresh," he said while rubbing his cheeks. "Mine too. My face was so clear this morning I almost didn't recognize myself," Jimmy said, rubbing his hand on his now less pimply forehead. Chris turned on the electric kettle to prepare hot water for everyone's morning beverages.

"I'm glad everyone enjoyed it," Aviva said as she stretched and went over to the counter to prepare her coffee. However, as she sat down at the table, the boys noticed several red blotches on Aviva's skin, going from her jawline to her collarbone.

Jimmy drops his fork and starts panicking. "Aviva, you have a rash on your neck," he says while covering his mouth. He looks like he is about to pass out or something. He's so dramatic.

Martin stops eating and looks at them. He gets up to examine her. "Yeah, you do. It's all over your neck. Are you feeling alright? Did you come in contact with anything?"

Chris soon joins them to look at Aviva's neck too. It had to be serious if it made Jimmy and Martin stop eating.

Aviva looks at them, worried and pulls out her phone to look at her neck. She did have reddish-purple blotches on her neck, but it wasn't a rash. She knew exactly what or who caused it. She covers her mouth, and her face turns as red as Lost and Found, their baby red panda friend. She stutters, trying to come up with an excuse. "Uh, it must be from a product I used last night or the new detergent in the laundry. Um, I'm sure it's fine, guys. Please don't freak out."

She tries to calm them down. She didn't want them to look too closely at the "rash" before they realized it was not actually a rash.

“Hold on, I have some ointment in my first aid kit,” Chris said before rushing out of the room just as Koki walked in.

“What’s wrong, guys? What's with all the commotion?” Koki asked. Aviva was covering her neck, and Jimmy still looked scared as he replied, “Aviva has a weird rash on her neck, and we don't know what it's from.” Koki immediately knew what this “rash” was that they were fussing about, but she tried to hold back a laugh as she approached.

“Koki, why are you laughing? This is serious. She might be dying!” Jimmy exclaimed.

“Jimmy, please calm down. She's gonna be fine,” Koki reassured them, with a grin on her face, both from Aviva’s embarrassment and the way Jimmy was acting.

“Yeah, Jimmy. Freaking out is just gonna make her more scared. Look at her,” Martin motioned towards Aviva, whose face was still red with mortification.

She covered her face and groaned, “Guys, please.”

Koki tried to comfort her by resting her arm on her shoulder, but Aviva glared at her. Chris ran back to her with some ointment. He took a handful and rubbed it all over her neck and chest. Aviva wanted to curl up into a ball and die.

Chris finished applying the cream. “There you go. It should go away soon, but I think you should lie down until it goes away. We don't want you to get any worse.”

“Guys, I'm fine, seriously.” She protested.

“No, Aviva. I think you should rest a little bit. As much as we don't want to, we can go a day without a new awesome creature power if we have to,” Martin sighed sadly.

"I'll take a day off if it'll make you guys feel better," Aviva sighed and finally gave in.

"I can watch her and make sure her rash doesn't worsen. I think Jimmy still needs to calm down," Koki assured the brothers.

The brothers nodded in agreement. "Okay, sounds good. We'll get the dishes cleaned up and head out in a bit. Keep us updated."

Koki smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry, I will," she said with a smile on her face.

Aviva glared at Koki once again and headed towards the bathroom.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Aviva stands in front of the bathroom mirror. Koki comes in after her. “What are you doing?” Koki can see that Aviva is scrubbing the ointment off her neck and chest and has a bottle of foundation and concealer on the bathroom counter.

“This is all your fault,” Aviva snaps, ignoring Koki’s question. “You left this huge mark on my neck and then you had the audacity to laugh about it.”

Koki bursts into laughter, “I'm sorry. I thought you knew I was gonna leave a mark.”

“I didn't know it was gonna be that big. I've never had a hickey before,” Aviva complains.

“The guys must have never had one either. I can't believe they didn't realize it wasn't a rash.”

“Me neither. But I'm just gonna cover my 'rash' with some makeup so they won't be concerned anymore,” Aviva answers her question, holding up the foundation and concealer.

“Yeah, because Jimmy is acting like you have some kind of deadly disease.”

Aviva chuckled lightly. “Yeah, I guess it was funny. But next time be more careful.”

“OK, ok. I'm sorry,” Koki says as she hugs Aviva from behind and kisses her cheek.

"I guess I'll forgive you this time." Slowly turning around, she leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Koki's nose.

[hoperays-song]

More Spider-Man AU Stuff

Johnny became Spider-Man or Skate-Spider on a school field trip when he was young, but went for a long while without taking up the title. He only did eventually because he realised he could help people in a way he couldn't before and save them like he couldn't save his mum. She died while he was young due to an illness but he still blamed himself and saw being Spider-Man as a coping mechanism at first.

The singing competition was essentially the same but without the gang plotline and the characters being much younger. They all became friends afterwards like the do out of AU but have spent 3-ish years together at this point. Buster also adopted Ash then as well.

Jimmy runs a newspaper as well as a ton of other entertainment things and they do all hate Spider-Man.

Instead of Spider-Man losing a police captain or his uncle, he has to be the one to sever his ties with his uncles and dad. In this AU he never knew about the gang and caught them in a robbery. Johnny tried to talk them out of it, even revealing his identity, but couldn't and in the end arrested them. Aka a much more angsty disownment arc.

Nooshy was adopted by Marcus around two years before the start of this AU when he found them camping out behind the garage. She lives in her own apartment now but acts as Johnny's “person in the chair” after helping him come up with the Skate-Spider persona in the first place.

Rosita is still Johnny's foster mum and finds out he's Spider-Man when he returns from patrol too hurt to hide said fact. She immediately started covering for him and helping him improve his gadgets as a way to make sure he's safe.

Several newspapers are running rewards for who can tell them who Spider-Man is and the troupe are all competing together. Johnny is actually pretty scared they might find out who he is because they've gotten close before.

In the timeline, the singing competition in Sing 1 is replaced by just a regular show as it focuses more of Johnny being Skate-Spider and his relationships. The Redshore trip does still happen according to the timeline with the same plot points however, just with Spider-Man stuff thrown in.

Johnny has a different skateboard that he carries on patrol so his dad doesn't recognize it and he takes all the pins of his jacket before patrol as well (also his jacket has pins in this AU). When not skating on patrol, the skateboard is hung around his shoulders with a strand of webbing.

Ryan is actually introduced a bit before the Redshore trip as an English student who Johnny saves as Spider-Man. During the Redshore trip however, it's revealed that Ryan, as well as being a dancer, is in school an is doing a paper on modern heroism and wants to talk with Skate-Spider about what that's like as a hero vs as a civilian. Johnny is constantly scared he's going to figure his identity out.

Clay figures out Spider-Man’s identity after like 12 seconds but keep his identity a secret. He says this is due to him having a stage persona when he was younger so he recognized the two's similarities (Johnny and Skate-Spider).

Ryan does figure out Johnny's identity after a while and drops it in while they are hanging out after practice, promising to keep it a secret.

The troupe as a whole finds out Skate-Spider's identity during the big show down with the big bad and promptly freak out that their friend is likely hurt.

The disownment reconciliation scene wouldn't be at a theatre performance in this. It happens during a fight with a villain when part of the jail is destroyed, causing Johnny to panic about his family's safety. He runs into his dad and the two talk it out then.

Calatonia will be New Calatonia instead but Redshore stays the same.

Quote:

“No, you raised me to do the right thing. Why can’t you see that’s what I’m doing?”

“And you're willing to do that even if it means turning your back on your family? By betraying us?”

“If that’s what it takes, then yes.”

“Johnathan, don’t you dare-“

“I'm sorry dad.”

[overthinkingtaleblr]

My brain is going mental. Anyways, since I did one for Toast and his family, I figured it would be fair to do one for Ghost and his family as well. Plus some Jimmy because why not?

Mysteries

Ghost had alot of questions about her family, mainly her father. Timothy Casket was, in her mother's words, "a kind, modest man" that took his wife's name (much to his family's dismay) and worked tirelessly to keep up with everything. When he heard about being a father, he was ecstatic. He was there for the whole pregnancy, and was often seen looking down at his daughter, cooing and playing with her.

Then he disappeared without a trace, and left them with near nothing. The In-Laws knew what happened to him but wouldn't tell out of pettiness.

Her mother couldn't bare to look at her because she reminded her so much like her father, which led to a disconnect, and Ghost feeling ghosted hehe as she got older. Her mother would feed and care for her, but she didn't do much beyond that. It just ached too much

Friends?

It was during this time that Jimmy found her. She had been cuddling her stuffed animal, talking to it, as children do, when she heard a response across the room. Looking up she saw a young kid, around the same age as her, looking back at her. She was shocked he was there; he was shocked she could see him.

They soon started talking, and becoming eachother's first friend. Since no-one else could see Jimmy (yet), everyone chalked it up to Imaginary Friend, which made Ghost a bit uncomfortable since Jimmy got defensive at those comments ("I am real! I'm not like them!"). This also started her interest in the paranormal, as Jimmy often stated that he was alive even though it was obvious that he was dead.

If only she knew what would become of them

The start of it all

Ghost was out alot, mainly to get away from the stranger that was her mother, partly to look for the attention she wanted elsewhere. The streets were not kind: stealing became a must, and she was an easy target.

This was how Ghost and Toast met, with her trying to get something off a window sill. Scurring off with her prize, she thought about that boy and why he helped her. She... She hoped to see him again.

And she did: the second time she noticed him across the road, and they waved at each other. The third time was when they finally spoke for real, across the school fence during break and lunch. Toast told her where she lived if she wanted to chat there later, and soon she was there anytime she was out, talking to him from below the branches.

This also led to the end to her and Jimmy's friendship. Maybe everyone was right with him being imaginary, so they started talking less and less. The intense jealousy from him when they did was starting to scare her.

Then she started going over to Toast's house. Oh boy did Jim not like that. Their argument about it led to her cutting ties, and unable to convince her otherwise, he stopped showing up ... For now.

First BlackOut

When Jimmy did come back, it was through possession. he felt... Powerful. He had no idea that he could interact with the world after so long unable to. It went to his head, and the loud cackles were evident of that. Ghost's mother had heard it however, and soon she was in the room trying to see what happened. Jimmy read it as an attempt to get him, and freaked, running out the room and into the kitchen with Ghost's mother head on his heels.

The knife on the side of the counter was just the wrong place at the wrong time. And Ghost woke to a painful headache, and her mother lieing in a puddle of blood, the blade in her hands.

She never worked out who caused it.

After...?

After that, Ghost couldn't remember much. It was a haze of faces he swore he could name, researching about the paranormal, working out who he was, and alot of stress starting up P.I.E.

It got less fuzzy when Toast came back from the UK, and helping him through his grief and addiction. It probably help him a little as well.

Oh god— First, congrats to Ghost, trans rights, but from there— Ghost forgot like. Who he was? Almost entirely? At an older age? That’s a fresh take…

It does also add to Ghost reminiscing on the past mid-mission— I can see Toast getting excited if he starts talking about a memory Toast was there for, and getting frustrated if he’s confusing something he saw on TV for a real memory. Also explains how Ghost managed to not learn how to read And go through the American schooling system without evoking developmental issues (I say, out of personal experience).

Ghost’s mom dying because Jimmy was bitter that Jimmy was close with Toast makes me… wonder how that’s gonna go. Both because Jimmy is probably still going to have that grudge against Toast even after this, but also because Ghost might feel like he’s a danger even to the people he wants to be around. Because who’s to say who Jimmy is going to strike next when he’s feeling grumpy about Toast. Whoever is closest? Is he going to try to attack Toast himself? Gavin? Who KNOWS! Horrifying!

Anyways! Thank you for sharing! This was really fun to read and I like the kind of cliffhanger this was left on!!! ^^ there’s clearly more story to this, and where you decide to go next I’m excited to see it!

[goldendoodlerlockerlove]

Tell us more about Gene and Alexis! Gush to your heart's content!

Pom!! You're too sweet, really, letting me gush like this 🥺. Now that you asked me this, that reminded me that I have the next few panels of my comic done, and should be posting them either tonight or tomorrow! :D

I've already posted a bunch about it, but yes, I took on the feat of making a (sort of) long-form Bob's Burgers comic immediately after I finished my first shorter one. That was definitely inspired by @bluebirbbs and their lovely comic, which everyone should go read if they haven't already because it's fantastic.

I mentioned the comic because it's all about Gene and Alexis. Alexis is my OC who's around Gene's age. They moved to Seymour's Bay and started going to Wagstaff around the time the My Butt Has A Fever short happened and were incredibly nervous about meeting new people and having to adjust to living in a new, seaside town. They're kind of insecure and immediately thought people would find them awkward and not like them. Then, they saw Tina, Gene, and Louise performing that song, and all of their worries melted away. They somehow immediately realized that Gene was the one who wrote the song and was blown away. I headcanon that they couldn't stop gushing about it on the drive home with their parents and even beyond that.

Their parents are quite nice and have done a decent job raising Alexis, but they aren't exactly supportive of people in the LGBTQ+ community, which Alexis is definitely a part of. Alexis figured out around a year or so before the events of the comic that they're Nonbinary (and go by They/He pronouns), and also Androsexual. However, they generally just call themselves Gay because that's easier for people to understand. But, around their parents, they (sort of) pretend to be completely Cishet for fear of judgment or worse. Oh, and they were also born without a right foot (which they have a super realistic prosthetic for) and they have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. They generally only use a crutch for it, and sometimes, not even that. There are a few occasions when they have to use a wheelchair, but they hate using it because they like being more independent. They later confide this all to Gene, who actually thinks it's super cool, which is something they've never had anyone say about their disabilities before. I suppose this sort of parallels my Linda is deaf AU by having a person with a disability's partner be super sweet and supportive.

Anyway, Alexis is so captivated and moved by Gene's performance that they very quickly fall in love with Gene. They freak out for a bit but don't say anything, because they don't know who to ask for advice. Then they decide that the best course of action is to get their feelings for Gene outward anonymously. This poor soul mistakenly thought that by sending sweet anonymous notes to Gene their feelings would somehow disappear. Of course, that doesn't happen.

But, fortunately for them, Gene eventually begins gaining feelings for Alexis too. This is because once they start hanging out and becoming friends, Gene discovers that they have a lot in common, such as loving the same movies, foods, and fashion. Thrifting and making clothes is actually one of Alexis' hobbies, and Gene adores it. He can't get enough of seeing Alexis' clothes that they made themselves. Then they begin talking about how stupid they think masculine gender roles are, and Gene begins confiding in Alexis on how sometimes he wonders if he's being a boy wrong because he usually doesn't enjoy traditionally masculine things.

The two continue bonding and eventually go on a small ice cream date, a la Tina and Jimmy Jr.'s date to Fro-Yo Mama in What A (April) Fool Believes. I didn't realize the parallel at first when I decided this would happen, but now I'm completely obsessed with it.

I'm not sure yet, but it might be on this little ice cream date that these two finally confess their feelings for each other and start dating officially. However, Alexis is kind of terrified of dating Gene, just because of how their parents would react. So, they keep it a secret from their parents. Gene doesn't have to worry, though, because Bob and Linda are nothing except enthusiastic about it.

Surprisingly, Bob is actually super invested in their relationship, and gets kind of emotional, knowing that his little boy is growing up and falling in love 🥲 And is like "Soooooo, who is Alexis? 👀😏" just like when Gene started dating Courtney, and he was like "Soooooo, who is Courtney? 👀😏"

Oh yes, and this entire comic is supposed to take place during Valentine's Day, too, and Tina has a little thing throughout where she's really hoping for a Valentine from Jimmy Jr. I kind of want to resolve that later by having him give her something other than a Valentine, like a goofy little dance, as per Zeke's suggestion, which I thought would be pretty cute and would feed @drawthethingdoppelganger's Tinimmy loving soul accordingly 😌

Louise's thing throughout the comic isn't too deep, but I kind of like it too. She's just angry that Mr. Frond gave the three of them detention for their song at the talent show and wants to lace his coffee to get out of it, pffffft. She isn't thinking that much about Valentine's Day and is convinced that Rudy is just going to ignore her again in favor of Chloe Barbash, so she's kind of given up on the holiday. But then he maybe gives her a sweet note or something 🥺 She pretends not to care, but she really, really does. That gesture means a lot to her.

I actually haven't thought about a Boblin subplot that could happen, because I'm not sure if they'll be too prominent in the comic? But I'm sure they'll be adorable as always for Valentine's Day. I already had them mention that Bob's taking Linda out for a fancy dinner, so I might have them talk about how much fun they had, like the cute lil' ancient married muppets they are.

But I'm getting sidetracked from Gene and Alexis. Anyway, they fall in love with each other and slowly become the most wholesome couple in the universe, second to Bob and Linda. They do all the cliché couple things like hold hands, give each other lil' cheek/forehead kisses, and share milkshakes. Gene definitely becomes one of those stereotypical straight guys who are always like: My wife 🥰 except he's always like: My partner 🥰 and takes every moment possible to gush about Alexis. And vice versa.

@dianadeadwing also made a glorious essay about why she thinks Gene and Peter Pescadero would work so well, and I think all the points she brought up apply to Gene and Alexis--two people who seem really different but have the same values at their core. Gene is loud and energetic just like Linda on the outside, but is really sweet and insecure on the inside, caring so much about the things he's passionate about, like music and his family. He actually gets offended when people try to fight battles for him because he really wants to be seen as more capable, as seen in Drumforgiven.

Alexis seems pretty quiet and unassuming on the outside, because of how awkward and shy they can be at first, especially when moving to a new town, but when one gets to know them, they get really passionate about the things they love too, like fashion and glass blowing (yes, they like glass blowing, which is such a random hobby, but it somehow seems really fitting). They and Gene really bond over their love of obscure movies, fashion, and not being traditionally masculine. And just like Gene, they're insecure on the inside and want to be seen as more capable, not wanting other people to fight battles for them. They also have a secret sarcastic streak a mile wide, and their silver tongue reminds Gene of Louise a ton. They don't exactly have a penchant for getting into trouble, but definitely for getting into mischief on occasion. They also definitely have a secret hopeless romantic side, like Tina, but really try to hide it because they're afraid of being judged for it. Gene doesn't judge them, though, of course.

But really, this moment is what truly started it all for Alexis falling for Gene:

Also, I'm resharing this adorable Commission I got of them from @carnivaldemon because it's actually my everything now:

I could probably go on for even longer, but I'll stop here~

Also, I swear this wasn't intentional, but I realized that Alexis' design looks just like my boyfriend Michael--

[olderjodijournals]

Tuesday, January 1, 1991

New Year’s Eve sucked. First of all, Jimmy, downstairs, and I made a big mistake of picking up Fran and bringing him over. Fran embarrassed the shit out of Jimmy who had Mike and Lisa over. Mike and Lisa live next door in #11. Jimmy’s in #10 directly below me. He’s getting evicted which sucks. He turned out to be an ok neighbor. With my luck, some jackass will move in who’s the type that’ll freak if I have the stereo on the lowest volume.

Fran was drunk off his ass. He couldn’t stop playing with my hair, slapping me and Andy on our heads and he fucking raided the kitchen as if he hasn’t eaten in years. He’s not ever again coming over here.

Tracy was over tonight. She lost a lot of weight.

Andy and I had a huge fight and we shoved each other. Much later when we were calm we laughed about it, admitting we were glad we shoved each other to get our frustrations out.

I really do hate having a roommate and I explained to him that it’s gonna take some serious getting used to and adjusting. I’ve been alone so long and I do prefer it that way. 3 years or so ago I’d have jumped at the thought of having a roommate, but as I’ve gotten older, my desires have changed. Just like I really don’t care to be with a woman or to have a baby anymore. I do want to very occasionally have casual sex, but not with just anyone. I really wish someday I could have one night, just one night, with a woman I’m attracted to and I feel that spark with, rather than a woman who’s just ok. I know it won’t happen, though, and I accepted that a long time ago. Well, like I always said, better to fantasize about first best, rather than to settle for second best. Another reason that’s better about fantasy is that if the relationship is getting rocky, you can simply click it off and out of your mind. You certainly can’t do this in a real-life relationship.

Saturday, January 5, 1991

 

I just took some decongestant medicine Brenda gave me and I'm so drowsy now.

Monday, January 7, 1991

 

Well, it didn’t snow today like I felt it would, but they say it may snow Wednesday.

I met this really nice nurse named Kim at Baystate ER. She’s super nice, open-minded, and the type you feel you’ve known for years the second you meet her.

She was on her way home when I was standing outside the ER entrance when I saw The Joy of Signing book in her hand and we took it from there. It turns out that we have a lot in common and I’m giving her sign language lessons. We’ve met 3 times so far and today she took me to Valley’s for baked stuffed shrimp in exchange for me to teach her sign language. However, she really is doing me a favor too, by giving me a chance to use my sign language and to keep on top of it.

Later...

From now on I must learn to be my own therapist. I shall try to discuss as much as I can about my feelings with myself or write them in this book. I always admired myself for being able to speak my mind but now I find it’s better to keep my mouth shut most of the time. Communication only starts fights and arguments. People often misunderstand the things I say and do and take me the wrong way so what’s the use? I’m gonna just start going along with as much as I can except for things like sex with an ugly woman or a man. I want to learn to talk less and be able to cheer my own self up when I’m depressed or sick as independently as I can.

I’m really proud of myself for last night. I had a massive asthma attack and I was terrified. I mean fucking terrified. I was crying tears like a leaky faucet, but I didn’t wimp out to anyone. I was about to dial 911 and say, “Look, it’s been hours that I’ve been trying to fight this off and I just can’t.” Yet even after being told at the ER what a risk it is to your heart and in other ways, I beat it on my own.

Wednesday, January 9, 1991

 

It started to snow a few hours ago so I was off by one day but that’s still close.

Right now I’m listening to Andy, Fran, Tracy and Raven make prank phone calls. Raven was in the lip sync contest and never won. She was a pitiful drag queen and literally froze on stage, but seems to be a nice person. Fran’s taken him in for a month till he gets a job. Well, like Tracy said, Fran’s good for taking people off the streets.

Last night was a hell of a night. I had a severe migraine and was crying for hours in bed till I finally threw up twice. Of course, Andy didn’t give a fuck and I knew it so I held it in and suppressed the urge to scream out. I needed someone so badly last night. Well, I had to puke instead cuz Andy would’ve freaked if I woke him up. Plus, he’d rather make me feel worse than better. I get shit on whether I speak positive or negative about myself. The guy who’s supposed to be my best friend’s busy turning my friends against me and constantly talking shit to Brenda, Bonny, Steve, you name it. He said, both to me and others, more negative shit about me than positive.

I’ll write more later since all I have to talk to is this book unless I hold it in till I puke. But puking is better than trashing things, though I can’t believe I didn’t. Reaching out to people and communicating with them only gets me in trouble and misunderstood so I’d rather puke and lose weight.

Sunday, January 13, 1991

 

Well, I’m still feeling like shit, unfortunately. There’s no feeling worse than wanting to pick yourself up, be happy, be productive, but you just can’t. My asthma’s killing me and I’m still under mega-stress. Way more so than I’ve been in a long time. I mean, this has got to stop, but I feel helpless. Like I don’t know where to begin to help myself. It just isn’t always easy. I miss those days when I was productive non-stop and could physically bounce off the walls for endless hours. I was a dancer. Now I take two steps and my heart’s racing or I’m wheezing or both. I wanted to kill myself for getting so out of breath with only two bags of groceries to carry up. Two years ago I could’ve run up those stairs 20 times.

I still can’t stand having Andy here. Even if I lived with Brenda I’d go nuts, even though she’d be easier to live with cuz she’s more easygoing and calm compared to Andy.

Andy looked at a room on Mulberry St., but I’m afraid he’ll be here much longer than I can stand. Andy and I will remain friends, but I may move to CT since there’s nothing for me here and Andy and I will save money and then maybe move to PHX.

Wednesday, January 16, 1991

 

While I’m waiting for Martha I can tell you how well I woke up. It was 5am and fucking Andy asked me to wake him up at 7:00. I told him to set his alarm in case I fell asleep and I did. I then woke up briefly at 9am. The next thing I know, the little fuck is saying, “Hey! Hey! Don’t you have an appointment?” 

It was 1:15 PM and my alarm had another 45 minutes to go. I wanted to kill him! Then the little fuck goes, “Thanks for waking me up.” 

I told him it’s not my fucking responsibility to get him up. I also set his alarm and he said it didn’t work so he took his anger and frustration out on me by waking me up. Then the immature brat plays the answering machine messages back loudly, stomps his feet and sings at the top of his lungs. Is this guy ever going to grow up?

His favorite show had 20 more minutes to go when he left, and I had had it with his bullshit, so I stopped the VCR from recording.

He’s got two days to get the fuck out.

As for the good news and yes, believe it or not, there is good news. Very, very, very good news. I have not smoked since January 14th!!! No, I do not feel like I want one!!!!!

Later...

I let it all out in therapy today. About how despite the fact that there’s a lot of good in Andy, he’s also an immature, spiteful, selfish little boy who only will hear what he wants to hear. And how he’s got to either condemn or make someone miserable in some way when things in life aren’t going the way he wants.

He’s over crying on Brenda and Bonny’s shoulder now as he’s not man enough to face me. Like last night when he said how his mother said it was wrong for him to go to Brenda. I simply said, “Andy, you’re gonna do what you’re gonna do, believe what you want to believe, say what you want to say, and hear what you want to hear.”

He’s a wimp and even though he’s turned Brenda, Bonny and Steve against me, I know they’re really fed up with him crying on their shoulders and needing a babysitter. Of course, God help someone if they should be upset or sick and go cry on HIS shoulder.

Thursday, January 17, 1991

 

Well, in an hour I’ll have gone 72 hours without smoking. The reality of it all still hasn’t quite hit me, but everything’s gone just as I predicted. Just like with the Navane and other things I’ve predicted how, why and when they’d happen. Some predictions, for example, with the Navane and smoking I predicted 3 or 4 years before it happened. Before I quit, I mean. I could see how it was gonna happen too, and why.

Later...

Am I ever psyched for Andy to get the hell out! He’s supposed to move this Saturday to rent a room on Dickinson. Yeah sure, but I’m like, get this wacko outa here! Andy never really was a true friend. Not in all ways, but in some ways. The reason I’m running around calling him a liar about this and that so much lately is cuz he’s done it so much to me. He can’t take his best friend’s word for anything so now he’s seeing how he likes it. Why would I, or any other 25-year-old need to lie? I’m not a child who has to fear punishment if the truth is told.

I cannot wait till he’s outa here and I will never ever let myself get into this situation again. I, of course, should’ve known better with a person like Andy. Or his type. Andy just freaks over anything and everything. I know plenty of other people who I have much less in common with but could live with them so much easier. However, I never will live with anyone again. That’s how I felt before Andy moved in so I sure as hell won’t change my mind about that now. He has lived here for almost a month.

Later...

The last sentence got cut off cuz Andy and I started talking. We also played the piano and sang. I still say, though, that yes he has a lot of good qualities, and yes we have a lot in common, but God he can be an asshole!

Friday, January 18, 1991

 

If I’m such a cruel nasty bitch who has so many bad points and not too much good, as people like to tell me, then why do people bother with me? Why not go find someone like themselves? I’m sorry but I just don’t feel guilty or selfish cuz I want to live alone. Or be myself.

I haven’t talked with Steve or Jessie for the longest time. I’m not good enough for them. That’s how I feel. I can’t help but always feel that with everyone even though I know I have good qualities. If I dump all my friends I won’t have to worry about communication and being misunderstood. Or feeling like I’m not good enough or a burden to them. People can be so contradicting, too. They play with my head. I’ll say something in which they’ll say they agree with 100%, then the next day they’ll use it against me and play me for a fool. Like, “How dare you say that Jodi!” But yesterday they agreed with and fully understood what I said. I’m no longer gonna be made to feel ashamed, foolish or guilty about the way I feel about things. The way I feel is the way I feel and who and what I am is who and what I am. Not what others want me to be, say, act or feel.

Later...

The little wimpett is going to start moving today and be out by tomorrow. I’m counting down the minutes.

Another reason I haven’t spoken to Steve is, that I’m tired of the “Andy said” bullshit. It puts me on the spot when I’m all of a sudden hit with something Andy said. Then I have to defend myself and explain something he made up or twisted around to make them dislike me or misunderstand me. He loves to turn people against me and he’s dropped plenty of hints that he’s had some pretty long and heavy-duty talks with his friend Adam concerning me. With many others, too. If you typed up all he’s ever said to people about me, he’d have a 3” thick book. Of course, in the long run, as far as Andy thinks, he’s 95% right and I’m 95% wrong.

Later...

Tomorrow Mr. Melodramatic is out of here. Thank fucking God! I can’t wait to have this place back to myself. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be here but God only knows I’m counting down the minutes till Mr. Antic is out of here.

It shocks the shit out of me to say that as of 1am tonight, it’ll be 5 days, going on 6, since I last smoked. Amazing, huh? Not that I’m not getting urges here and there. I am. But the urges are very brief and 5 days is fantastic seeing that the longest I’ve ever made it before was just a tad over 2 days. My back pain is gone. And I am no longer so severely short of breath. I’m still a little tight in the chest, though, and a little wheezy and still coughing and sneezing some. Besides having bad withdrawal I also have a cold. The cold is subsiding much quicker than it would’ve if I smoked still. It’ll be really nice to only have a cold for 4 days out of a year rather than 300 days out of a year.

Later...

Jesus, I’ve been up for 22 hours! When am I gonna fall asleep? I think part of it is cuz I’m so psyched for Andy to get the fuck out tomorrow morning. Wait till the people he rents from finds out he doesn’t do chores and he breaks things. Or tries to when he isn’t getting his way. Wait till he himself finds out our friendship is over.

Saturday, January 19, 1991

 

Sure enough, I fucking woke up hacking my brains out about an hour ago. I had fallen asleep right after I last wrote. I definitely have a cold. No doubt about it as I can really feel it now.

Andy said that even when I feel I’ve kicked the smoking habit, I’ll still have urges. Of course, I know I will every so often and Andy’s been supportive but I think he’s starting to get jealous somewhat. God knows he’s very capable of that too, as I’ve seen him display jealousy before. It’s ok to feel a little jealous of someone now and then but it depends on how you handle that jealousy. Andy has quit before for 10 days two different times. Depending on the situation, I sometimes will look at a glass of water as being either half full or half empty. Andy will always see it as half empty.

Well, the street animals are out playing musical horns as usual.

Thank fucking God Andy will be here in less than 12 hours!

Later...

I wish to hell I could go back to sleep for a while. I have a lot of shit I need to do today and I want to sleep tomorrow night to be awake for Sunday’s voice lesson.

I started to get really pissed off with my urge to smoke. Even though they’re not intense, they’re still pretty frequent and I know it’ll be this way forever. The thought of always craving a cigarette pissed me off to the point where I held one and stared at it. I told myself if I smoked it, I’d have a severe attack which is true. I told myself I didn’t want to ever have to go to the ER again and be within inches of death 24 hours a day and in so much constant pain that I WISHED I were dead. I also thought of my singing. Yes, craving one is a better way of suffering, but it’s going to suck just the same. Since I do not drink or do drugs, it’s hard not having something of some kind to do, and watching others smoke.

Monday, January 21, 1991

 

Yesterday my niece Lisa turned 8.

The day before yesterday I had about 4 cigarettes. I was terrified to go to bed thinking I’d wake up with a wicked bad attack, but I woke up fine. In fact, I feel better than I have in a long time. My nose and lungs are clearer and I’m not tight in the chest and there’s no back pain. Today I’ve had only one, but I could really go for one now.

Later...

Right after I last wrote, Jimmy gave me a cigarette which was my second. I fell asleep at 9:00 this morning figuring it’d be easy to get up at 1pm cuz I’d slept so many hours the day before. How wrong I was. I was dead tired. I didn’t get up until a few minutes before 4:00 when Bill rang the buzzer. I remained tired ever since but at least I got my grocery shopping done. I want to do more laundry tonight but I’m too beat. Last night I did two loads from around 12:30-2:30 AM. It was quite convenient as I’m a night person and knowing no one would be using the machines.

Wednesday, January 23, 1991

 

I have therapy today yet I don’t know how the hell I’m going to get there. I slept till almost 8:00 last night.

Andy came over last night and once again things are fairly good between us now that we’re not living together. See, when you have a fight with someone over the phone, you can just hang up on them. It’s not that simple when you’re living with someone.

Since Sunday I’ve been having 2-3 cigarettes a day and it’s catching up to me so I’ve got to be careful again. My back pain’s back and I’m waking up coughing again.

Thursday, January 24, 1991

 

When I finally fell asleep I’d been up for 20 hours. I awoke at 8:30 this morning. I’m surprised I didn’t sleep longer since I couldn’t fall asleep till 4:00 this afternoon.

I called Community Care and left a message for Martha saying I wouldn’t be back. I figure how am I ever going to learn how to suppress my feelings and be independent if I continue therapy? Yes I know I’m already what most people would call mega-independent for a girl my age especially. All except for my source of income. I’m not gonna get into my income except to say yes, I’d much rather earn it by singing and someday I will but for now, I do not feel guilty. The state owes me. They fucked me over. And over. And over.

Although I’ve known all my life that being a famous singer was destined, I also knew it wouldn’t come young. I figured I’d be between the ages of 30-32. I knew it’d be fast once it all started. That may be why it’s not coming till 30-32 rather than now.

Also, I knew that the Gods had lots of learning experiences for me and survival tests lined up for me and boy have I now had 5 lifetimes of that! However, I am grateful to have learned some of the things I’ve learned. What you don’t know can hurt you or severely frustrate you or raise false hopes for you.

I am surprised Andy and Fran haven’t tried calling. Also, there was no message on the machine from Brenda.

Later...

I am going to try to stay up till 9:00 when the Western Mass legal aid office opens. I need to speak to a legal intern who’s got some advice for me. I don’t know if I wrote about it yet, but Russ is being a prick by trying to evict me. I know it’s cuz I’ve been demanding the heat that I pay for in my rent that I haven’t gotten along with several other tenants. This may also be for tax purposes or to get people out so he can raise the rent. My parents and Tammy are pissed at him and Dad referred me to Legal Aid. The little fuck, though, wouldn’t speak to me or Tammy and never called Dad back. He refuses to give me a reason while he told Andy it was cuz I didn’t like the neighborhood so I can move out. I was in the ER at the time so he handed the notice to Andy.

I went down to the housing court and the woman there said that cuz I pay on the 1st, he can’t evict me till February 9th. He gave me a 30-day notice on January 9th, but by law, the little fuck can’t do shit till March 1st. Hopefully, Russ will hurry up and take me to court so I can sue him there and try and get rent back payments for the months I froze my ass off. That’s probably what that Wendy at Legal Aid will tell me to do. I mean, what the fuck does this prick expect to say or do in court other than make a spectacle out of himself. Steve says the jackass will drop it. Bullshit. I know how people are. When they start trouble they start trouble but this little fuck obviously doesn’t realize he’s fucking with the wrong girl.

Same with Jenny C. Court on March 6th! HA! Jenny got exactly what she deserved, so she’s going to have to enjoy going to court herself cuz I sure as hell won’t be there.

Later...

Me and Andy are performing at the Pub this Friday night. He’s gonna do If I Were You by Stevie Nicks and I’m gonna do Words Get in the Way by Gloria.

Speaking of Gloria, she’s got a new album due to come out in 5 days. I hope there are some songs in Spanish on it. I wish I could’ve gotten that album with a lot of her songs in Spanish on it including Words Get in the Way (No Me Vuelvo a Enamorar). It would be better to do the Spanish version for the contest. I’ll need to order that album.

Brenda gave me 2 ciggies so now that’ll make 7. I’m really gonna pay for this. God, please don’t let me have a bad attack till I can once again get up the will to try and quit again.

Ok, time to move me, my coffee and my phone to the bedroom where I’m nice and comfortable.

Later...

I woke up feeling fairly good. I slept with my humidifier on.

Little fuck Fran’s up to his shit again. I woke up to a message from his neighbor Debbie accusing me of saying I’m gonna hurt her 2-year-old daughter and that Fran got a call from DES. I then had to explain to her how long I’ve known Fran and how little she knew him and that she had quite a bit to learn. This poor girl was terrified and I assured her no threats were made. Fran got her all worked up and it’s obviously a rejection issue or the fact that Fran had a horrendously lousy day. Debbie said I sounded sincere and I told her not to worry about Fran’s BS and not to let it get to her. I also told her to tell Fran that not only is he not welcome here anymore, but he’s not welcome to call me either. Between the shit Fran pulled with my mother along with other stuff and now this, that’s the final straw and I don’t need him.

Andy left a message about returning the videotape of his so I can record his soap. I called over where he lives and Gail says he’s not there. I also called over at Brenda’s, assuming he’d be there, but there was no answer.

Friday, January 25, 1991

 

Shadow’s climbing all over me. I swear this cat is so affectionate and loving. He follows me everywhere. I should’ve named him Glue instead. Earlier I was running around the living room with him. We have several games we play.

I spoke to Andy a little while ago for the second time. I told him I’d record his show for him on one of my tapes.

The reason I’ve been sleeping during the day, which of course is never hard to do, is cuz as I mentioned before, Andy and I are performing at the Pub a noche.

Andy told me another bizarre thing. First, let me back up and mention Angie. I don’t think I did mention her. A while back, not even a month ago, we went to the Pub and I eyed this girl, she seemed prettier than usual and had Andy speak to her for me. When he came back to where I was sitting he said she was a rude bitch. He said she said, “Well, after I dump this asshole I’ll think about it.”

She was with another girl. Angie was totally smashed and the next part of the story will tell you so.

As Andy and I were leaving at closing time, we walked by Angie and her girlfriend and Andy goes, “Now, here’s the better-looking girl,” and she saw me and insisted I come back to the bar. She hadn’t seen what I looked like till then.

Now here’s the sad but typical part. Especially for a bar person and a fairly good-looking one. She screamed out so the whole bar could hear, “Will you lick my pussy?” Then she did the usual trick people do and gave me the wrong phone number.

What’s bizarre is that Andy was cutting through this Laundromat to his mother’s store that I’ve been to before, and it turns out Angie works there. That Laundromat is a dump. I used to go there when I lived on Oswego St.

He said he said her name to be sure and she said, “Yeah, I’m Angie. How’d you know?”

Then Andy told her, “You don’t want to know.” Andy said she had no makeup on and looked tired.

He also said that maybe God sent him to walk through there to find out where she works so I can take it from there.

I definitely don’t want a relationship nowadays with even the right person. I just wanna have fun here and there, but not with just anyone. Right now what’s most important to me and mainly on my mind is having what I’ve never had in my entire 25 years of life. Sex with someone I’m really sexually attracted to and turned on by if only for a night. I’d rather have a few one-nighters here and there even if it’s only 5 a year with someone I’m attracted to, rather than get serious with someone who doesn’t really matter.

Later...

I went through all my journals and I’ve kept journals for 3 years and 3 months now. I went through each one and wrote the entry dates on the covers. I guess that’s gonna be my new thing. I’ve written 360 days of the 3 years and 3 months’ time. On the cover of each book I wrote the month and then each day of that month that I wrote.

I think I’m gonna go lay down. It’s fucking freezing in here! That little fuck of a bastard landlord of mine. Boy, do I ever want to hound the shit out of him!

Later...

The housing people are coming on Monday and I called Mom who was being her usual bitchy self and asked if she’s heard from him, which I doubted, and she hasn’t. This shit Russ is pulling is definitely tax-related as well as to raise the rent when I’m gone. But I’m gonna be here for a while, and if Russ keeps this shit up, it’s gonna cost him more money than a profit.

A few years ago when Nellie and José pulled their crap on me by ripping me off, I brought up charges and was able to drop them over the phone after being paid back by Nellie. Well, I just tried that by calling the courthouse saying I was Jenny and it didn’t work but all is still well cuz I’m not going to court.

I will not give Jenny the satisfaction of showing up for a lousy slew of prank phone calls. Jenny got exactly what she deserved and I know lots of other people have done the same.

I haven’t heard from John R since he got fired from Mercy Hospital.

I tried calling the Laundromat where Angie works and no one’s there now but this retard janitor. Guess they don’t open till 10:00. I’ll try again soon.

Saturday, January 26, 1991

 

Andy and I performed tonight. Neither of us won, but it was fun just the same. The audience and the judges didn’t dislike us, but we both felt we were nothing special and could’ve been better.

It amazes me how many people I know. People came up to me before the show and talked to me that I didn’t even know that knew me from previous shows. This one guy remembered when I signed and said that was “fierce.” I saw tons of people I knew who complimented me after the show and I was also complimented by people I didn’t know. Raven was there along with Emie, Loopie, Candy, Jasmine, Miles, W.C., Scott, Rachel, Dedra and at least 20 or more other people I know.

I met this incredibly feminine girl named Lisa who gave me her number if it’s the right one. I wasn’t too impressed with her hair which was short on top and spiked with a long tail in the back. Her body and her face were beautiful, though. She’s not bi either, she’s just gay.

Last year, though, I would really be into her and meeting others. I used to be so eager. Now my heart’s just not in it like it used to be. There’s still a great part of me saying, “All I want now is to be alone and I’m not even quite ready yet for a one-night stand.”

I saw 3 other girls who were even more gorgeous, and yes, I would do a one-nighter with them right away (one at a time, of course). One was straight, as usual. The other 2 were a couple, also as usual. They were so feminine, though, and each one had such nice long dark hair.

Also, I chatted with the cops.

Later...

I broke down in tears thinking about this shit with Russ and finally said to myself that I was going to put an end to this either the easy way or the hard way. So I called Russ and asked to speak to him. He said sure and sounded very friendly and sincere. I figured he’d more or less have nothing to say to me.

Anyway, I said to him, “How can you be so cruel and vindictive when you never were before? You’ve done me favors such as not having me pay last month’s rent and got me movers. So why are you so eager to see me out on the streets when you know I have nothing, no money, no family and nowhere to go? I have never hurt anyone or anything and I don’t know what you can say in court or if this is a tax-related thing or what. You even said so yourself that it would get cold in here when it got bitter cold outside and you know there have been several other tenants complaining. If you’d stop putting temperature recorders in here that say it’s a temperature it’s not, then I’ll forget about taking legal action if you’re willing to drop this and turn up the heat.”

He sounded friendly, as I said, and said he’d like to stop up and see me sometime before noon. I’ve no idea what he’s planning, but I’ll write about it once I know.

Sunday, January 27, 1991

 

Russ came over yesterday before noon. He asked me to write down every time it got cold and what the temperature was after putting a thermometer in each room.

He told me he was prepared for the judge to allow me to stay until October but that he hoped it wouldn’t come down to court. There’s nothing solid or valid he could do or say in court, and I told him I would move when I’m ready to move.

Tomorrow, I’m going to call legal aid.

Later...

I was over at Brenda and Bonny’s place and I played them the edits I made early this morning. They’re not bad. I gave Bonny this T-shirt she liked and she gave me a denim mini-skirt. She also gave me little bulletin boards in the shape of the letters L and R. L and R can stand for Linda Ronstadt.

Kim will be here any moment for a sign language lesson.

Lisa, the girl I met at the Pub said she’s home all the time. Well, she must have her ringer off if she did give me the right number cuz I tried 4 times and there’s no answer. She’ll have to call me.

I’m starting to get a little tired. I hope Bill’s not here too long. Also, Andy needs to bring over my videotape along with his so I can record his show.

Later...

I’ve had a great day today. Bonny and I have gotten to be pretty good friends. “It’s better than fighting,” like she said.

Andy and I had a nice visit although the woman he’s renting from is really treating him like shit. He’s moving back in with his parents by Valentine’s Day.

Bill, Andy and I had a nice talk, and I played them my new edition of the edits.

I’m beat cuz I’ve been up since 2am, so I should sleep quite well. I just hope that none of these fucking street animals wake me up.

Tuesday, January 29, 1991

 

Yesterday I woke up feeling like shit. I was really congested. I took my asthma pill and some Dimetapp and Brenda gave me some Anthramycin which is an antibiotic. As long as I eat a little before taking it, it doesn’t play with my stomach.

Yesterday I woke up at 7:30am. Today I woke up at 6am. Nice, huh? Now wait till I have to perform this Friday night. But my point is that even though I woke up with a coughing fit after I’d slept 4 hours like I usually do, I woke up later feeling great! The antibiotic really helped with my congestion. I haven’t sneezed yet and haven’t blown my nose 5,000 times.

I’ve had half a cigarette though and I’m gonna do the 2-3 a day thing rather than 5-6 to really lower my nicotine level and try quitting again. Kim offered me 5 bucks a day if I quit. That does make it more encouraging, besides the idea of being able to breathe and sing without clearing my throat or sneezing.

Speaking of my voice, God is it really developing! I’m really getting to be quite a good singer. It gets more and more brilliant and vibrant.

Wednesday, January 30, 1991

 

Andy better hurry up. His show starts at 1:00. If he’s not here, I’ll record it. He’s supposedly coming over with

Later...

I was interrupted before cuz the phone rang and two seconds before Andy’s show came on he walked in. His show wasn’t on anyway cuz of the Gulf War update. He was pissed and I don’t blame him cuz that’s what the news hour is for. They shouldn’t keep interrupting the shows. News belongs on the news.

He’ll be here for 6 hours editing his tapes.

I got a call from Martha and I am going to see her later at 4:00.

Later...

I’m glad I went to therapy after all. I got a lot of shit off my chest. We basically discussed how I view myself and how others view me. I told her how and why I thought I was a quality person who may appear goofy and playful but is mature and good at knowing other people’s characters. We talked about how there are many types of people that I dislike, but I still understand why they’re the way they are.

I also discussed how I get the types that are loud, obnoxious and desperate or the geeky shy types that can’t speak for themselves and aren’t firm enough when they need to be. I told her I need someone more outspoken and loving and understanding, yet as rough and as tough as they need to be.

My sister called. I told her if worse came to worse she could check out apartments for me.

Thursday, January 31, 1991

 

God, I am so tired. I fell asleep at 9:00 and sure enough, I woke up at 1:00 after sleeping 4 hours. I woke up sneezing and blowing my nose. My lungs don’t feel bad and I’d rather wake up to sneeze and blow my nose rather than coughing and wheezing.

Andy came over saying he thinks he may be catching a cold and I hope that doesn’t worsen mine cuz you know how weak my immune system is.

I need to try to quit smoking again soon and also go see Dr. McGovern. I need more Theodur and I guess I’ll also discuss allergy shots. I wish I could do the natural cure by quitting smoking permanently!

Russ called tonight sounding sincere again saying he’d really like to resolve our dispute. I told him once again that if he’s willing to drop it, I’ll drop it and that I surely do not plan to live here forever. I also told him that for the last 3 days, it hasn’t been bad in here cuz it’s been a little warmer outside, but as soon as it gets bitter cold out, it gets cold in here. I reminded him again that I, and the other tenants, wouldn’t complain for no reason and hopefully it sank in this time and he’ll give up on his spite tricks. But as long as he’s gonna push the eviction, I’m gonna push small claims court. If anything, he owes me money that I’ve paid for the heat that was supposed to be included in my rent that I never got.

Boy, is it ever windy out now. It sounds like someone’s screaming.

I really do need to try and go back to sleep, so first I’ll make coffee, smoke a butt, listen to a little music, and then I should be more than ready.

Tomorrow I’ve got to go to Food Fart.

[creatureshrieks]

oh yeah. i wrote up laurie's brief bio on her carrd though I do have a lot of ideas in regards to her future and what not.

due to the... constant different timelines and the fact i have......... zero interest...... in incorporating her family (considering she has like two different kids in two different timelines and what not idc) into my future takes on Laurie considering it's not as if anyone roleplays a Halloween muse that's not Michael or Laurie there's no point LOL.

In my takes on Laurie since I'm basing only on the first film (Because they even remade and retconned the second! did you know that! because the original director didnt like it!)

She does still get taken to the hospital after Michael attacks her on Halloween, but she doesn't shoot Michael's eyes out nor does she start a relationship with Jimmy as the second film implies. She's way too freaked out to even consider dating or romance at the moment!

Canonically - and I mean this! Canonically - Laurie was only given two days to grieve before she was sent back to school. She never received therapy for her issues due to the fact her parents, though they loved her, believed she'd be completely okay and promised her the Boogeyman wouldn't hurt her anymore. He was shot six times? He's dead, Laurie. You're okay.

Laurie swears Michael is out there, however, and in the nights following his attacks she swears she can hear him breathing all around her. She doesn't sleep and when she does, she's plagued with nightmares of his face. Of her friends. She despises the lack of care everyone around her gives her, but she is also partially grateful for the return to routine - she clings to her school in a basic attempt to reclaim some sense of being normal again. It helps her get through her days, burying herself in school. She hates school too, however, because who wouldn't want to ask about that night? We're so sorry, Laurie. Is there anything we can do, Laurie? Does it hurt, Laurie? Was it scary, Laurie? What did he look like, Laurie? Tell us, Laurie. She wears long sleeves to hide the scar on her arm, though she finds herself mindlessly rubbing it with her thumb far too often for her own comfort. She tries to cover it up, keep it out of sight and out of view.

Laurie turns 18 in February. She doesn't have a party. Her parents get her cake. She smiles even though she doesn't feel like it. Her parents get her a car.

Laurie doesn't go to her senior prom. She gets asked, but she figures it's just out of sympathy. She doesn't feel like partying. She doesn't want to stay out that late.

Laurie goes to college hours away, just in an attempt to get out of Haddonfield before the next Halloween and to put some distance between herself and the last place Michael Myers was, if he even cared to look for her again. She doesn't know if he will, she just knows that he's out there. Laurie doesn't go to parties, she doesn't stay out late. She lives in a dorm where the door is always locked. She covers her arm with long sleeves. She tries make up, but even leaving it exposed makes it feel too real. Someone asked her about it once and she made up a lie. She never left it uncovered again.

It gets a little better as time goes on. Michael is less a physical threat to watch for and more just some shape in her dreams, a shadow trailing behind her. She could move on.

That first Halloween after is rough, though. Not just out of fear, but grief, too. She never got a chance to ever really come to terms with everything that happened. Her friends didn't just die. It wasn't a freak accident, some slow illness. They weren't even just taken from her - they were posed like toys, all in some sick effort to scare her. Her. She stays in her dorm room that night. Door locked.

Part of her expects him to come, but unlike last year she vows to be ready. She won't let him torment her forever.

[anachronistic-cat]

So you know how a necklace with a feather from an avian hybrid is often, in worldbuilding, like a sign of affection or something. What if no. What if Jimmy's feathers haunt the one who kills him "instead of the cross, the albatros, about my neck was hung"

And his killer not necessarily winning doesn't not fit? DEATH and LIFE-IN-DEATH play dice for the mariner and his crew, maybe she wins a different person this time.

Albatross!jimmy would also imply that the way out is not through further violence, but to find the beauty in the world, and make peace with the spirits angered. It implies that the winner is not necessarily free yet, because they haven't learnt their lesson yet.

It also kinda fits in a meta way? The mariner is cursed to, every so often, tell his tale to a passerby. The life series is quite literally every so often the participants telling us their tales, leaving us forever changed.

It's also interesting, if we're looking at rime, to think about how the other lifers, specifically those who who have teamed one-on-one with jimmy (Scott, Tango, now Martyn) fit into this.

[putting the rest under a read more because i freaking love lifesmp, and I'm chronically obsessed with The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, so this got LONG, but tl;dr is that if Jimmy is the albatross, then Scott is not the Mariner, but is taking the mariner's punishment, & is most likely to escape the Life Series if it follows Rime of the Ancient Mariner rules, Tango is a crewmate because the albatross dying causes his death, but could possibly escape, and Martyn, fits really well as the Mariner so far, but will never actually be free. However, due to the inevitability of death in Life Series and Jimmy being more important before & as he dies than he is after, i'm more convinced that he's a canary than an albatross (except in the past tense).]

Scott, who saw the albatross he loved killed in one season (3L), and refused the boogeyman and won in the next (LL), doesn't so much fit as the mariner, but could be looked at as either a crewmate that didn't really need the lesson, but is now forced to follow through it in a version where DEATH won the mariner and LIFE-IN-DEATH won a random other crewmate, or as "The spirit who bideth by himself/In the land of mist and snow,/He loved the bird that loved the man/Who shot him with his bow."

DL!Tango fits a bit less, although you could argue he's a crewmate, not the mariner, as he dies with the albatross, we do see the ranchers consistently find happiness in hardship, which kinda reflects the mariner's realization about loving all the slimy things.

But most interesting to me, and who I think fits best, is Martyn. In 3L, although not the one to kill Jimmy directly, he was part of the crew that did so. In LL jimmy was part of his group before they sent him to exile, which while not a death, is a removal of the albatross, and Martyn was present at Jimmy's final death in LL. DL is the only series so far in which Martyn is not in some way involved with Jimmy's final death, and therefore doesn't have much for Mariner!Martyn, save for how much he suffers with cleo, but 24L is where it really gets interesting.

In 24L Martyn has an explicit oceanic/mariner theme already, and Jim permadies by falling from the sky after the bad boys bomb Martyn. Martyn would go on to win 24L, desperate, betraying everyone, and going mad. He goes against the established order by attacking early instead of the agreed upon "fair fight". One theory for why the mariner shoots the albatross, is that he felt it was a distraction, or a waste of rations. If we take this interpretation, the pragmatism Martyn shows at the end of 24L really seems to fit, eh?

And then we get to the current season, SL. Martyn, as we all know, starts out the season Going Through It™. Taking damage left right and centre, the first yellow name, etc.

There passed a weary time. Each throat Was parched, and glazed each eye. A weary time! a weary time! How glazed each weary eye... ...Alone, alone, all, all alone, Alone on a wide wide sea! And never a saint took pity on My soul in agony.... ...a thousand thousand slimy things Lived on; and so did I.

and then he teams with Jimmy, which we can parallel with the mariner learning to love and appreciate the living things of earth,

O happy living things! no tongue Their beauty might declare: A spring of love gushed from my heart, And I blessed them unaware: Sure my kind saint took pity on me, And I blessed them unaware.

and beginning to be freed from his punishment:

The self-same moment I could pray; And from my neck so free The Albatross fell off, and sank Like lead into the sea. [+ like. ALL of part V]

now, we're still in the early days of SL, so for the rime to hold here's what'll have to happen: after joining jimmy/learning to love all creatures, things will get easier for Martyn, but remain somewhat difficult, before he is released from his torment altogether. considering, however, how much CC!Martyn enjoys the Life Series, I sincerely doubt we will see C!Martyn released from his torment.

("The man hath penance done,/ And penance more will do.")

now, we're still in the early days of SL, so for the rime to hold here's what'll have to happen: after joining jimmy/learning to love all creatures, things will get easier for Martyn, but remain somewhat difficult, before he is released from his torment altogether. considering, however, how much CC!Martyn enjoys the Life Series, I sincerely doubt we will see C!Martyn released from his torment. anyway. Martyn fits particularly well as the mariner, at least for now.

But here's the thing: i don't know that Jimmy actually fits as the albatross. its an interesting metaphor, and there's so much to play with, don't get me wrong, (like i said, i freaking LOVE Rime), but the trouble is that Jimmy is an active participant in events in his own right. the albatross... isn't that. it is there, and it is killed for seemingly no reason, and it haunts the narrative, yes, but it is not involved in events. the canary, in the metaphor, is active, it sings, it cheers up and bonds with the miners, eventually it stops singing, and warns them by doing so, but up until then it is present, the miners care about it.

the canary is present while alive, and is conspicuous in its absence once dead. the albatross is only significant in its death, and influences more when it is dead than it did while alive. Jimmy, i would say, is more of a force in the world while he's alive than when he's dead, and his absence rather than continued presence is what's significant about him when he's dead.

and then there's the inevitability: the life series carries with it a sense of inevitability, much like the dangerous work of the coal miner, it's not a matter of if you'll die, but when, and the canary serves as a warning sign that that when is fast approaching. Part of the tragedy of Rime is that it, technically, was avoidable (there's a whole branch on analysis that takes the poem to be about how you can't actually know the outcome of your actions in advance, and how seemingly innocuous things can have inordinate consequences, but we don't need to get into that here); if he had not shot the albatross, things would have been fine. whether or not jimmy dies first, everyone in the life series is doomed.

HOWEVER! there is a way for jimmy to fit as the albatross, and I think its got even more interesting potential: in both Scott and Martyn's cases, we see that they primarily go on to fill the Mariner role in the season after they're associated with Jimmy's death. Scott won the season after he teamed with Jimmy, Martyn is punished and beginning to make amends this (SL) season after three seasons of involvement with Jimmy's death, and directly after a season that ended in his doing Random Acts Of Violence.

So I propose that Jimmy is the Canary, but when he dies in each season he becomes the next season's albatross. so during 3L, 3L!jimmy is a canary, but during LL, 3L!jimmy was an albatross.

ho boy. so i'm having more timmy thoughts and you guys have to deal with them. kind of long, rambling post ahead, but bare with me. (i don't know how to include a cut on mobile so sorry)

a couple nights ago i was rambling to my poor family about the traffic smps bc hyperfixation, and i mentioned jimmy always dying first and how he's the canary. my sister, who is not into traffic but is into hermitcraft and sees a lot of traffic stuff, said that the metaphor doesn't work and he would fit better as an albatross.

i argued with her, and while i do still love canary jimmy and think the metaphor fits, i've fallen completely in love with albatross jimmy. yes, i know, another jimmy hybrid i'm going to be pushing on you, but cmon. think about it.

jimmy is not the cursed one, everyone else is. he was killed, now everyone else has to deal with the consequences. he isn't cursed to die first, people are just more likely to die after he's gone.

whoever kills him has horrible nightmares. storms and shipwrecks. dead bodies and slimy, oozing things. they wake up each morning feeling like they're being strangled. they swear they can hear albatrosses flying above them, but when they look there's nothing there.

his teammates, while he's alive, benefit. albatrosses are symbols of good luck, after all. small things, like perfectly cooked food and restful sleep. and it was one of his allies that won third life, wasn't it? and his husband won last life, even if they weren't together. (i haven't watched dl yet, but it was pearl who helped with the horns, right?)

it would have been fitting if the one who killed him in each game ended up winning, but alas, this series is unscripted and therefore (most) narrative parallels and metaphors are coincidental. perhaps an au where whoever kills the albatross is cursed to be the only one who remembers? still thinking on it.

i'm just obsessed with the idea that jimmy's deaths are not warnings of the chaos to come, but the cause of it. that maybe things wouldn't be so bad if they just didn't kill him. they shot the albatross, now they have to deal with the aftermath.

[igotanidea]

The fear: Jason Todd x fem!reader part 2

part 1

"I don't understand. Why isn't it working on him?” regardless of Jason’s protest, the second he got Jimmy to safety Dick and Tim took him to the batcave to run some test and assess the damage. Surprisingly, seemingly the toxin did nothing.

“I don’t know” Tim muttered, torn between confusion and curiosity “but it’s disturbing. I believe Crane has been altering the formula and the effects are yet to come.”

“Maybe I’ve just become immune to Scarecrow’s tricks.” Jason was sitting on the nearby chair, arms crossed over his chest, right leg bend and rested on the left, utter annoyance on his face “Will you two just let me the fuck out of here?!” he hissed

“NO!” Dick and Tim said in unison, however, the motives of the answer were slightly different for each of them. While both of them were worried about Jason’s state of mind, Dick didn’t want him to be alone. The oldest Wayne knew exactly what memories could come back due to the fear gas and felt the urge to help Jay through it. On the other side, Tim didn’t want him to suffer if there was something he could do about it. He just needed more time to figure it all out.

“I hate you both. Truly, madly, deeply.” Jason huffed

“Oh, come on, Jaybird, we all know if you wanted to get out you would have already done that. And yet, you’re still here. No one’s keeping you captive.”

“Shut up, Grayson.”

“Nah, I don’t think I will.” Dick smiled

“Don’t you have anything better do to? Anyone else to save?”

“You’re my priority at the moment.” Suddenly the air in the cave got a bit more serious and tense.

“How long do you think this may take?” Jay asked quietly “I got job to do.”

“We’ll cover for you if…..”

“NO! Hell no, I told you to stay away from Crime Alley.”

“If you don’t want to be alone you could have just said so.”

“Shut up, Grayson!”

“Why is it always me who has to witness this?” Tim rolled his eyes, begging whatever bigger entity there was for mercy “Can you two just calm down?”

“NO!” apparently, the sides turned and now it was Dick and Jason yelling in unison at Tim

“I wasn’t really expecting any other answer.”

“I….” Jason exhaled deeply “how long?”

“If my analysis is right ….”

“….. and it’s always right…” Todd mocked

“.. it may take up to 10 hours.”

“Great. That is just freaking great. Anyone up for the board game while we wait?”

***

Now

Tim was right. After 10 hours it all started coming back. Slowly.

At first, it was only the knot in his stomach, origins unknown. Then, his head started spinning and his vision became blurry. Soon, Jay felt surrounded and suffocated by the green fog.

And then it was only worse. Dick and Tim were forced to watch their brother crouch in the corner of the room, his eyes wide in terror, fixed on one point in the space yet blind to everything that was happening as his brain was working against him.

The memories from Ethiopia. The sound of footsteps on the wooden floor. The vicious laugh of a maniac who was attacking a kid. The feeling on crowbar on every part of his body. The smell and metallic taste of blood. He was going to find him again. Joker was going to torture him and kill him again. The story was going to repeat itself. There was literally nowhere to hide. Poor Jason. He hid his face in hands, sobbing quietly, silent begging to just leave him alone.

“I… I don’t want to go back…..”

“Um, should we do something  or…..?”

“What do you suggest we do, Tim? How do we help him without letting him know that we see him in this state? It’s still Jason. Any sign of vulnerability he’s shown may be the cause of another fight. And he’s terrified. I don’t know  about you, but I’d rather avoid it.”

“We can’t just leave him like this.”

“Of course not. But we also cannot help him. There is however one person that can.”

“You surely don’t mean …..”

“Yeah, yeah I do.”

“She won’t like it.” Tim warned

“But she will come. She always answer when needed.” Dick took a few steps forward and squatted next to Jayson. “Jaylad? Hey, I need you to look at me. You’re gonna be fine, all right? I’m calling Y/N”

“What?” for a second Jayson’s sight became a bit more aware “Don’t you dare! I don’t need her here!“

“We both know that is not true.”

“I don’t want her here!”

“Jason….”

“Don’t you dare calling her! I can handle myself. There’s no need to. I don’t want her hurt and he’s coming to get me. I need to keep her safe. I have to keep her safe……” his whole body shook, since it couldn’t process the possibility of the girl getting captured by the Joker and tormented the same way he had been.

“He’s too far gone now.” Tim pointed out “I think we really have to call her for the rescue.”

“Told ya.” Dick was  already dialing the number of his friend “Y/N?”

“Dick? Hey there, boy wonder. It’s been a while.”

“Really? It seems like you never left. We still got your framed picture on the display.”

“Oh, please, after a month? I never thought you to be sentimental, Grayson.”

“Only for you, Y/N….”

“Oh for crying out loud!” Tim hissed and took the phone from his brother “Y/N.”

“Tim? If you’re there than can only mean you have an emergency.”

“I need you to come. We need you to come. Please?”

“Of course. You know you can count on me. Is it Damian or…. Jay?”

“It’s Jason. If you don’t want to….”

“No.” she cut him off instantly, her voice a bit more concerned “What happened in the past stays in the past. I promised you something when I left and I intend to keep that promise. I’m on my way now. See you soon, bats.” The click on the other side indicated that she disconnected.

“Do you think this will work? I mean, given all the history…..”

“The plan’s in motion now. We better hope it works.”

to be continued

part 3

@shadow-pancake9

@lwtmonster91

@your-local-cryptid87

@princessbl0ss0m

[witsserviceablesubstitute]

I'm rewatching Shameless (US) from the start and all my good and bad feelings about the show keep resurfacing. It's somehow so real and yet ridiculous and insultingly messy.

Some early observations:

The reason I can never get invested in Jimmy/Steve is because he doesn't become a real boy. His backstory and storylines are a incomprehensible mess and he's essentially a cardboard cut-out next to Fiona— one of the most complicated characters in the show (all her love interests end up having this problem). However, he has his moments and the good actor is good.

Karen starts as a true character, and I freaking love her relationship with Sheila (Sheila 💜), but she quickly disintegrates into this misogynistic cautionary tale obviously written by someone wanting to punish promiscuous teenage girls.

Oh man, Ian and Mickey. These guys. They have such a roller-coaster yet to go, and idk, I'm both looking forward to the tragedy and eventual happy ending and not (😭). They're such kids at the start and I want them to be well, you know? They'll come to shoulder too much of the shows drama (when it was a drama). In the meantime they're getting carried away with being infatuated and so I get why Mickey risks his safety and Ian pushes, but it doesn't make it easier to watch knowing what will happen. It's so— like there is such a marked difference between the moment before, when Mickey is being a giddy 17-year-old slowly opening up, and then him being totally and completely traumatized. Also, I want to fight anyone who calls Mickey Ian's bully. In what world do they live in?

Ahh, Lip, he's frustrating but also damn believable. The intelligence that goes nowhere. The cocky teen arrogance, casual sexism and racism, the rise and fall... 😔

Something that keeps striking me this time around, actually, is how shameless the racism and sexism is. Often it showcases the reality of how these characters think and the disconnect between that and the truth, like saying "here is what everyday racism looks like", but it also feels like a reason for the writers to say something racist and sexist. It is the first hint at how careless this show will be with its subjects, themes, and comedy.

[pacificwaternymph]

Having a bit of a rough day,mind rambling about any au of yours?/nf

Aww I'm sorry :(

You're in luck, I was actually just thinking about the Superhero AU and about Pacifica in particular.

I realized that a big part of Pacifica's backstory is how she got her scar, however, in this AU, I never gave her a scar, nor did I make any mention of it in the one time she was mentioned in Coffee Shop Crush.

I started thinking of ways to rework the story of her scar into the story without disrupting the story and the best way I could think of that was if a supervillain kidnapped her in order to get to Scott.

Of course, for this to work, this would require for a supervillain to know about Scott's secret identity, and the only three that do know are Sausage, Joey, and Xornoth.

Scott doesn't really need any more reasons to hate Xornoth and I feel like using her scar as another way to fuel his vendetta wasn't very original or creative, and I just wasn't vibing with the idea in general. So I figured, hey, how about she gets her scar after the events of the main story?

Joey is out for blood after Xornoth's death, and in particular, Scott's blood. He wants to hurt Scott, to rip away everything he loves slowly until he's left with nothing, just like Scott did to him (or at least, that's how he views it in his mind).

So who does he go after first? Scott's best friend. Pacifica.

Scott and Jimmy are on a date when Scott gets a call from Ember, Pacifica's partner, who's in a panicked frenzy. They tell him they got a call from Pacifica, saying that she was being attacked. There were sounds of something breaking in the background and a scream and then the phone cut off, and all of their attempts to call her back are going straight to voicemail.

And of course, Scott freaks out. Jimmy attempts to console him that they can go look for her, the Alliance has a lot of resources after all, but it's not working. And it especially doesn't help that Scott soon after receives a picture of Pacifica, badly beaten, from an unknown number, with an ominous text message addressed to Smajor.

This only makes Scott feel worse, because that's confirmation that she wasn't taken by coincidence, someone targeted her specifically to get to him. He dragged her into this, and she's dealing with the consequences of his actions. He's wracked with guilt and on the verge of a panic attack, and Jimmy has to calm him down.

They put together pretty quickly that Joey was most likely the person to take her and get to tracking him down. It takes days, and the whole time Scott can't stop worrying. But they do eventually find her, and confront Joey, getting into a fight with him while he declares that he's going to ruin Scott for what he did.

Joey retreats, and they search the facility, finding Pacifica barely conscious and with an enormous slash running across her eye. They rush her to the hospital.

Later, Scott goes to see her as a civilian, and finds her awake and sitting up. Her first instinct is to ask if he's okay, which completely breaks him. He hugs her, sobbing into her shoulder and whispering "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" over and over and over.

I hope your day gets better Neo ^-^